Round One

I thought I'd try my hand at an easy one for starters.

Dear Virtuoso,

I am at my wit's end, I need to know, WHAT is the best way to season a steak?

Sincerely, 

Marge Bjork

Interesting question, Marge the Meat Maiden.  Interesting because I'm not sure there is an answer.  I was at work today, and one of the architects asked another, "What do you think the best roofing material is?"  It depends so much on the application.  What type of roof are we talking about?  Is it gabled?  High pitch or low pitch?  Mansard roof?  Flat roof?  Are we talking Frank Lloyd Wright or Marco Casagrande?  Are we building a home or a warehouse?The Taj Mahal or the Sistine Chapel?  Are we in the upper midwest, with guaranteed precipitation 364 of 365 days a year, or Ghana?  Depending on the situation, the right answer could be wood shingles, clay tile, rubber membranes, corrugated tin, copper plating, or bales of straw.

See, a good steak is a lot like roofing material.  The right seasoning is inherently dependent on the application and situation.  There are a few questions you must consider before choosing your seasoning. 

What is the occasion?

Is this a family party, a grill-out with the company, or a Friday night date with someone you'd like to have believe you can cook well?  For large group get-togethers, a common and popular seasoning is best.  Pick your favorite barbecue sauce (mine is Sweet Baby Ray's) and marinate your steaks in the sauce for an hour in the fridge before grilling.  For Friday night candle light, try marinating in balsamic vinegar with thyme.

What is the season (of the year, no pun intended)?

There are certainly different flavors associated with different times of the year.  During winter months, we crave warm, comforting flavors that remind us of mom.  Why not a chicken fried steak?  During the summer, flavors that liberate and free us are the best.  On a warm summer night, I enjoy a dry rub on my steak.  Try a simple rub of black pepper, garlic, and salt.  Add some watermelon and pasta salad, and you have a Fourth of July Party.

Grilling or frying?

BBQ and kitchen cooking are two entirely different arts.  One rushes you to a loud restaurant where you're eating off of a wagon wheel, and the other causes you to consider which of your forks you should use first.  I need not explain more.

Well, I'll keep this one short, Carnivorous Margie.  Good Luck!

My Dossier

I've spent the last two and a half months trying to overcome my impulse to meddle in other people's lives. This blog could turn out to be evidence of my failure.

It seems I have an aptitude to solve everyone's problems but my own, so I figure to do the most good in the world, I should make an effort to fix your life. This blog is open for anyone to submit questions, and, being the straight-talker that I am, I'll give you the honest advice no one else is gutsy enough to offer. It'll be like medicine--painful at first, but it will all be for the best.

Go ahead and toss up your questions. Whatever is on your mind, issues with a guy, a girl, mom, dad, or cooking advice, I'm here for you.

I'll be the uncle you always wished you had.