Returning from Hiatus

Attention Faithful Readers:

I apologize for the delay in getting a new post up.  Just as soon as I decided to start blogging, the firm won a contract with the city to design the recently commissioned renovations on the art museum.  I’ve been pulling nights and weekends to get some good models and sketches done to present to the city council.  I’ve barely had time to walk the dog when I get home each night.  He acts like he doesn’t know me anymore.  Regardless, we made the presentation yesterday and it’s done, at least for now.  I took some time off and I’m on a plane to Minneapolis to see my mom.

I’ll try to answer a couple of the simple questions that have come up over the last couple weeks.  I think we may have a mole in the system submitting questions, but I’ll humor whoever that is.  Later this week I might try to handle one or two of the messy ones.

Question 1:

Dear Mr. Luke,

Who should I marry?

Confused in Carlton

Dear Confused,

Easy.  Marry someone you love who loves you back.  If he or she also happens to be attractive (I’m talking 10+), that is definitely a plus.

Question 2:

Hey Luke, try this one!

Which came first? The chicken or the egg?

Trivial in Texas

Dear Trivial,

Many have considered this deep philosophical question and found themselves stumped.  I’d say they have the wrong approach.  Instead of thinking big picture, try to bring the question into a more relevant setting.  Do you know anyone who eats KFC for breakfast?  Neither do I.  Today, the egg came first.

Question 3:

Dear Virtuoso,

Let’s say that there is this guy that I know that is always flirting with everyone. How do I know if he likes me or if I’m just another pea in the pod?

Led On in LA

Dear Led On,

He flirts with everyone?  Well, I’d say his actions could be interpreted one of three ways, listed here in order of least to most likely possibilities.  If his motivation isn’t one of the first two, it must be the third.

1. He is from Colorado City.
2. He likes putting himself in difficult and painful situations.
3. He isn’t actually flirting with you.  Does he talk the same way to elderly women?  Perhaps he is one who carries a natural grace and charm regardless of whom he talks to.  He might just enjoy making people feel happy and good about themselves.  You are not a pea in his pod, nor a bun in his basket.  Get over yourself.
   

Question 4:

Dear Mr. Luke,

How do I get people to stop asking me how my dating life is going?  I just can’t handle it anymore!!!

Sincerely,

Desperate Dan

Oh Danny Boy,

I don’t think I can help you much on this one, Dan.  I’d say that type of pestering will never stop.  Why do you think my mother wanted me to come visit?  Twenty-seven years is apparently long enough for her to wait for grandchildren.

Be careful to not create a vicious cycle for yourself in stemming off inquiries about your love life.  As soon as you express any frustration about your dating life, or any inclination for people to “let it be,” the amount of concern for your little heartstrings will multiply like a fourth grade class learning times tables.  The individual’s concern will at least double, and he or she will tell at least two friends about your desperate, meaningless existence.  From there, you will be set up with at least three people, who, after their date with you, will conference with the mutual friend between the two of you to discuss how outlandish it is that you are not happily coupled off with someone.  You can see how this would reinforce the pro-dating sentiment. 

You can’t win, you can only put up with it.  Another possibility is to invent a fake girlfriend, but I don’t have time to write the in’s and out’s of that one.

Round One

I thought I'd try my hand at an easy one for starters.

Dear Virtuoso,

I am at my wit's end, I need to know, WHAT is the best way to season a steak?

Sincerely, 

Marge Bjork

Interesting question, Marge the Meat Maiden.  Interesting because I'm not sure there is an answer.  I was at work today, and one of the architects asked another, "What do you think the best roofing material is?"  It depends so much on the application.  What type of roof are we talking about?  Is it gabled?  High pitch or low pitch?  Mansard roof?  Flat roof?  Are we talking Frank Lloyd Wright or Marco Casagrande?  Are we building a home or a warehouse?The Taj Mahal or the Sistine Chapel?  Are we in the upper midwest, with guaranteed precipitation 364 of 365 days a year, or Ghana?  Depending on the situation, the right answer could be wood shingles, clay tile, rubber membranes, corrugated tin, copper plating, or bales of straw.

See, a good steak is a lot like roofing material.  The right seasoning is inherently dependent on the application and situation.  There are a few questions you must consider before choosing your seasoning. 

What is the occasion?

Is this a family party, a grill-out with the company, or a Friday night date with someone you'd like to have believe you can cook well?  For large group get-togethers, a common and popular seasoning is best.  Pick your favorite barbecue sauce (mine is Sweet Baby Ray's) and marinate your steaks in the sauce for an hour in the fridge before grilling.  For Friday night candle light, try marinating in balsamic vinegar with thyme.

What is the season (of the year, no pun intended)?

There are certainly different flavors associated with different times of the year.  During winter months, we crave warm, comforting flavors that remind us of mom.  Why not a chicken fried steak?  During the summer, flavors that liberate and free us are the best.  On a warm summer night, I enjoy a dry rub on my steak.  Try a simple rub of black pepper, garlic, and salt.  Add some watermelon and pasta salad, and you have a Fourth of July Party.

Grilling or frying?

BBQ and kitchen cooking are two entirely different arts.  One rushes you to a loud restaurant where you're eating off of a wagon wheel, and the other causes you to consider which of your forks you should use first.  I need not explain more.

Well, I'll keep this one short, Carnivorous Margie.  Good Luck!

My Dossier

I've spent the last two and a half months trying to overcome my impulse to meddle in other people's lives. This blog could turn out to be evidence of my failure.

It seems I have an aptitude to solve everyone's problems but my own, so I figure to do the most good in the world, I should make an effort to fix your life. This blog is open for anyone to submit questions, and, being the straight-talker that I am, I'll give you the honest advice no one else is gutsy enough to offer. It'll be like medicine--painful at first, but it will all be for the best.

Go ahead and toss up your questions. Whatever is on your mind, issues with a guy, a girl, mom, dad, or cooking advice, I'm here for you.

I'll be the uncle you always wished you had.